So, I've been given a gentle nudge by a few minxettes to update y'all on my weight release journey that I started earlier this year...
Now I'm nothing if not honest, so here's the deal.
Firstly, I got complacent.
I'd released 56lb - hurrah - and thought to myself, do you know what? I can take a break now, surely? The doctor was pleased with me, I was feeling lighter and brighter in myself and I deserved some time out, right? Wrong.
Y'see, while the releasing weight bit was actually do-able, the head and heart stuff? Well that's a whole other plate o' food...
I might of released some weight-age, but what I hadn't done, was change up my story. Y'see, when your story remains the same, yet you try and change up your behaviour, life falls out o' whack. Now, as a life coach and girl who helps others to transform and grow, I felt a bit o' a failure. Why hadn't I realised that to shed the poundage for good, I had to change my thinking, my programmed beliefs about food and my body? Thing is I had realised, it's just that, well...that shit's hard work.
Now, I'm not afraid o' hard work, not at all, in fact I thrive on it, but when it involves having to do some digging into the deep, dark shadow-y stuff that I've spent a substantial part o' my life trying to keep locked away, well, that's crazy hard. So for a few months, I ignored it, but when, like me, your weapon o' mass-self-destruction in life has been self-sabotage, you'll know that, unless you put down your weapons and make self-love your weapon o' choice indefinitely, you'll start to hear the whisper o' seductive self-sabotage-y-ness in your ear. Now, I know ALL about self-love, I've written books on it, yet, it still feels like something I dabble in. I LOVE the skin I'm in, yet I still seem to struggle with feeling worthy enough to be healthy and happy in the world, which is why it's words o' sabatoge-y-ness were sounding a li'l something like this: "You don't think you can actually be a size 14, do you?" "You might as well eat a chocolate bar, because this healthier happier you isn't really you, is it? It's not like it's going to last, is it?" "You're from a council estate, what makes you think you can be someone who'll be able to eat organically and nutritionally, who do you think you are? I slowly felt myself slipping back into my old attitude of despair, thinking I had absolutely no choice but to accept defeat, give up on myself. Then, something clicked. I was standing in front of the mirror and I made a decision. “I am not accepting this. I am no longer playing at this level now, I'm healthy and happy, and I want more of it." So I did 'the work'.
In fact, I'm still doing 'the work' and I'm thinking that I'll always be doing 'the work'.
Some of my belief systems around how worthy I am o' success and happiness are so hard-wired and need a LOT of work, but that's okay, because I'm a girl o' SASS - Spiritual, Authentic, Sensual & Sensational - and girls o' SASS know how to lock and load their awesomeness to make amazing things happen. Fact.
So, I'm now locking and loading. I gained 11 of those 56lb during the self-sabotage-y wobble (I'll be writing more about what to do when your weapon o' mass self-esteem destruction is self-sabotage next week) and I still have 3 stone-age to release to make the doctor types happy and to substantially ease the Endrometriosis, but I'm on it. I'm eating yummy, healthy nutritious food, I'm reading lots of books about emotional eating and transforming thoughts, learning all about how to eat to balance my hormones which'll aid healing my Endrometriosis, and swimming, belly-dancing and burlesque-ing, I am a girl o' SASS after all!
EXCITING NEWS: Sassy Minx is soon to get a swanky new look to coincide with the launch of my brand new book series, SASSYology, to make sure you don't miss out on all the updates, news and most importantly, freebies, go 'like' Sassyology over at FB and 'follow' me, I'm Misssassyology, on twitter!