Okay, so Nigella Lawson, my idol-girl in all things fabulous, has been reported today as saying that even though g-friends curves are in ALL the right places, she too worries about her weight, saying it's simply a thing that girls do.
Now, I HATE the word 'diet' and banished it from my world years ago, but I think, as much as it sucks to say it out loud, she's right, we do worry about it. We are constantly bombarded with media images of what the perfect body 'should' be, celebs are circled with big red rings if they show a dimply thigh, being a size 0 is celebrated - which is really quite ridiculous, mainly because if you're a size 0 that equates to literally nothing. It's like women don't want to take up any space in the world AT ALL. That makes me crazy-sad. I've been overweight since I was 13. I turned to food when my parents split up and it's been my comfy blanket, my friend that I turn to when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry, when I'm tired, ever since.
Before I continue, while I've always been overweight, I just need to put it out there that it's NEVER stopped me doing anything in life, I've travelled, I've dreamed big dreams and made them happen, I've hung out with celeb-types, I've developed an innate ability to accessorise, I've never been short of attention from the male population, but the one thing I've not been is healthy. I've had phases of doing what I think is healthy, but actually, eating low fat microwave meals doesn't really count, who knew?! Now, as some of you may know, I started on a gorgeous goddess-girl journey earlier this year due to endrometriosis, but even then, I was still kinda playing at it. Yep, I joined the gym, yep, I started to eat different foods, and yep, it deffo made a difference, but I was still eating crazy-big portions and telling myself I could have an extra portion of chicken wings at TGI Friday because I'd done 20 minutes on the cross-trainer...
Most people say it takes a big event to make the actual 'I want to change this up' mind-shift - mine were a series of small events that accumulated into a big substantial sized arse-kick. I won't bore you with all of them, but I'm thinking the ones that had the MOST influence were:
1. A waitress in London stroking my belly and asking when it was due, and that was BEFORE I'd had my dinner. 2. The beau and I talking in-depth about having children and at the weight I was with endrometriosis, it just wasn't going to happen. 3. Having a wardrobe of never-been-worn size 16 dresses o' loveliness, yet two outfits in a size 22 that I had to alternate on a daily basis. (Don't get it twisted, I accessorised those bad boys as if my life depended on it!) 4. A friend being brutally honest and asking me if I was happy to always be known as the chubby girl with the pretty face and accessories.
Anyway, on the 6th May, I made a decision. I was going on a goddess-girl journey of self-exploration. I've been keeping a daily journal, which I'll be sure to share with you, or may even turn into a book - who knows? - A journey where I'd look at everything I do to my body, both inside and out. It's become a HUGE project, which I'm just at the beginning of right now. Now, I'd love to be able to say I was truly happy at a size 22, but I'd be lying. I was as happy as I could be, and anyone who knows me will tell you that I still rocked my Sass because you can do that no matter what dress size you are, but I wanted to know what it felt like to be healthy, really healthy, to be free from emotional eating, to be able to know enough about the food industry that I could make informed choices about what I decided to put in my body. FYI: I don't know how that feels yet, but I'm working on it!
Since May 6th, I've released 40lb, and I'm now a size 18. This is all truly fabulous, but my goddess-girl journey has turned out to be much more than weight release, and I can't wait to share it all with you! People keep asking me what my secret is, but there's no secret, what I'm doing right now is completely re-educating myself. I am reading nutrition/fitness books til they come out my ears, my fave is: Slim for Life it's truly brilliant and life-changing, I'm learning all about Ayurveda and conscious eating, I eat less and do more because that really is the only way to actually release weight, I swim every other day, I do pilates, I meditate, I dry brush my skin, I'm basically being good to myself, which I THOUGHT I was being by feeding myself chocolate and cupcakes, but now I really am, by giving my body the stuff it actually needs!
Disclaimer: I'm not claiming to be an expert, angelic-sounding or a guru - I'm literally just sharing my story s'far on my own personal journey. I may eat chocolate and cake in the foreseeable future. Then again, I may not. That's the beauty o' being me.