I know, I know. I'm meant to be the Queen o' Sass and most o' the time, I am. In fact, if you were to ask the beau, he'll tell you that I even do moody/grumpy/antsy with a teeny, tiny element o' sass. It's just that sometimes, on days like today, I wobble.
And do you know what, that's totally okay. We're not perfect. I'm deffo not perfect. Yet, we spend so much time trying to be through fear of upsetting people, not meeting the expectation of others, not being good enough - when actually, all we really need to do is give ourselves permission to be absolutely, positively, beautifully imperfect. To have flaws. To feel a li'l insecure and anxious at times. To feel lost. To wobble. In fact, I'm going to make a permission slip for us all to do all of the above, but on one condition. we are only allowed to do all of those things, as long as deep, deep down in our big beautiful hearts and super-sweet souls, we know we're freakin' awesome.
Now I know that you might not feel the awesomeness mid-wobble, I didn't today, that's fo' sho'. But I did have a moment, where I thought - 'g-friend, you need to check yo'self, before you wreck yourself' and yes, before you ask, I did say it in my best gangsta-girl drawl. Because, as I tried to deal with my anxious, antsy and other not-nice words beginning with A ways, I had to remind myself that I haven't chosen the easy option. That in itself makes me awesome, I could totes of taken the easy option.
And not choosing the easy option means that sometimes things will get a li'l tough, and yep, maybe a li'l icky too, but I chose this. Therefore I am awesome.
I won't bore you with the content o' the wobble - it was a bunch o' old tracks on the mp3 player o' my life that seem to be stuck on repeat and need switching up, pronto - what's important is, that we allow those feelings to just be. Being a life coach, I'm very quick to be super-harsh on myself. As soon as I woke up this morning I could feel the grey cloud o' glum resting on my pillow above my head, where the rainbows and unicorns usually sit. And before I even had chance to wallow in the murky ick, I was self-coaching: 'Lisa, feel where those feelings are for you in your body... now what do you think they really mean? Are they your truth? Or are they a racket that you're creating?' which, FYI, are all totally valid questions, but Jeez Louise, if you're feeling shit, feel shit. If you're feeling jealous. Feel that green eyed monster coarse through your veins. Whatever your 'wobble' is about, let it be. Not for a long period o' time, I tried to shh mine by listening to Alfie Boe, 'cept that made me make eyewater. A lot. On public transport. Which then broke down. (The public transport, not me.)
My point is, allow. Give yourself permission to be you. In whatever form that comes in. Now, I know that I AM kick-ass. I AM fabulous with a remarkable ability to accessorise. I DO wear heels in the snow. I AM inspiring. I DO write books that make girls feel better about themselves. I AM a great life-coach. I AM an artist. These positive life-affirming statements are at my core.
but these statements are also true o' me... I DO like chocolate which means I have a chubby tummy. I DO worry. I DO get anxious. I DO cry at LEAST once a week. I DO feel out of my depth sometimes. I DO fret. I AM afraid o' the dark - literally and metaphorically. I DO love to scream into a pillow.
ALL of these statements are true. It's just that sometimes - mid-wobble - the bottom statements can become a li'l too big and out-o'-shape and make me feel like I've failed at the top statements. This, of course, isn't the case AT ALL. The fact I fret, doesn't cancel out my abilities as a coach, nor does my fear of the dark make me any less fabulous, they all just combine to make me the beautifully imperfect Sassy Sorceress that I am.
It's just that when you allow, you can then start to put your wobbly, out-o'-whack thoughts into some sort of order that actually make sense, shed a li'l perspective on the matter. Personally, I can't do this alone - I need beau and besties, but if you don't want to talk about it out loud, make a date with your journal and write and write and then write some more...
So, back to my choice. Yep, it was hard. It'll continue to be hard - long term it'll be AMAZING - but right now, it's freaking hard. Not like when the beau asked me to move in with him - getting to spend more time with hot boy who I heart? That was easy. No, this will deffo be hard, but that's okay because in every choice we make, we choose who we are. And I chose to be awesomely imperfect.
What do you choose?