My Facebook feed is filled with women who are goal-setting like a mother lover, working their asses off and scoring 5 figure months.This is awesome. I am ALL about women declaring their successes and inspiring others, but it got me to thinking, for many women, this rise in the 'five-figure-month woman' may be yet another ‘I’m not good enough' stick for us to beat ourselves with.
Your stick of choice for self-flagellation might not be the five-figure-month woman, it might be the get-shit-done-er or the constant creatrix, or maybe it's the her-blog-is-better-than-mine or my personal nemesis, she’s-already-doing-it-so-I-can't-compete.
I'm not a dumbass, and nor are you, you know comparing yourself to others sucks, you know that competing is not the answer, and you know that we've all got our own unique + badass super-powers to share with the world, yet it doesn’t stop us stalking them on Facebook, shaking a fist at their so-much-better-than-ours homepage and feeding our inner-told-you-so with enough fuel to keep her full for a week.
Now, if you’re anything like me, when I talked about Do it like a #SHEboss last week, the chances are you were like ‘awesome, g-friend. Bring on the deets - show me what I’ve got to do and I’ll do it.’ Except even if I DID bring on the deets, you wouldn’t do it, would you? Not because you didn't want to, but because something would stop you. What I've discovered is that the ‘something' that’s stopping you, is exactly the same thing that’s fuelling your comparison-itis, it’s the very same thing that's stopping you earning five-figures-a-month (if you want to of course, that's a whole other blog post entirely) and it’s the thing that stops you from daring to do business YOUR way, on your terms. So before you even start to think about doing ANYTHING like a #SHEboss, I dare you to get dirty.
Yep, I mean roll-around-in-mud dirty. Your wrestling partner? SHE. Because mud wrestling with your self is nowhere near as much fun as when you’re doing it with the fierce truth of the divine feminine. It’s messy, that’s for sure, but you can’t create a #SHEbusiness - a Spiritual, Authentic, Sensual, Sensational YOU-led business that works in delicious flow with nature, the moon + your menstrual cycle AND makes you money AND makes your heart sing - without it, and more importantly, nor should you want to.
What's the stuff that you'd just rather not talk about? The stuff that you want to brush under the carpet and pretend isn’t happening? The stuff that brings you out in a nasty heat rash every time you think of it? What's holding you back? What's stopping you from dreaming those big dreams?
Take a deep breath and GO THERE. Make a cup of your favourite tea, set-aside half-hour alone time, light a white candle, and tap up the squirmy stuff.
Is it fear? Do you think you don’t deserve good things to happen to you? Do you see yourself as an unlucky person? Do you blame circumstances, like your upbringing, for you not being successful? Would your life be better if you were prettier, slimmer, had more money, lived in a bigger and better house?
Write it down. ALL of it. And when you feel the inevitable need to avoid certain topics or memories because it's too painful, acknowledge the avoidance, feel the pain, and keep writing. Be willing to push past every tactic the ego will throw at you, it will tell you not to bother, it'll ask 'what's the point?' it'll give you other far more important tasks to do because your ego is relentless, but you’re a girl on a mission to her white-hot truth of who she is, so let nothing, even a well-meaning ‘I want to keep you safe and fear-filled’ ego, stop you from heart riffing the shit out of this.
What are some of the key words that are coming up for you? Does thinking about money make you want to put your fingers in your ears and go ‘la la la’ really loudly? Do you avoid opening your bank statements? Why? Every time you come up with an answer, ask yourself ‘why?’ Try not to think too hard, and just write down the first thing that comes into your head. Really get to know these feelings and the situations and memories that you’ve attached them to in your past. If it helps, ask yourself: What do these things look like? Do they feel like big dark overpowering monsters? What colours are they? If they were a character in a movie, who would they be?
This is a tough exercise, which is why I suggest you only do it for half an hour to start with, that way you don’t get too long to dwell in Debbie Downer land. The trick is, to identify the memories, thoughts, feelings and emotions that are holding you in this space, to recognise what they represent, and then to summon up the chutzpah to either own them or realise they’re no longer serving you and let them go. But, hey, one thing at a time, right?
I'd love for you to share what your current stick of choice is, because well...I'm kinky like that! Either share in the comments below or over at the SASSYology facebook page. Dare to get dirty, girl.