Whilst packing, I’ve found journals from the 22 year old celeb-obsessed, teen journalist who worked on SM:TV with Ant + Dec version of me. Meetings with Gary Barlow, Ronan Keating, J-Lo + Bono are all noted, signed scripts from shows are filed away, and memories are weaved in words and pictures – like Robbie Williams asking me to remove all the blue smarties from an assorted bowl and put them in a sandwich with cheese and pickle, or Danny from Hearsay calling me Angela and me not overly caring because I had a big crush on him, or Anthony from Blue telling me I was ‘fit’. As I write in my journal now, I wonder if she’d recognise herself in the words of her 35 year old self. For a start, she's no longer immersed in the world o’ celebrity – that would deffo piss her off - she's not married to Gary Barlow and she doesn’t live a boho writer girl life in Paris as she’d envisioned. Back then; all she wanted to do was share her love of words + tell girlkind stories through the medium of Just 17. Best teen girl magazine EVER.
Author-girl A few years later, she became an author. Surely she’d dig that? Sharing her love of words + telling girlkind stories through Lola Love – a 14-year-old pink-haired, zine-loving, self-love warrior who had a bendy-wendy yoga dad and three best mates who she was in a band with called The Rainbow Hearts.
SASSY Witch Then, at 30, the year when everything was meant to come together, Kali-ma, goddess o’ destruction + re-birth tore shit up – relationships, home, career, everything – and took her on a gnarly adventure to her truth. She called her into her soul role as an alchemist, changing what felt deep + dark into spiritual treasure. She embraced her gypsy witch lineage, immersed in sacred springs naked, discovered a talent for tarot readings, and began to live in tune with the rhythms of nature, feeling the overwhelming presence of the great mumma, the goddess. Basically, she became a 50's swing dress + hot pink lipstick wearing bonafied witch. She did rituals, She bathed under the moon, and came into a place of deep remembrance. She wasn’t learning these things for the first time. They were already in her. Deep down in her ladybones. So she shared her love of words and told girlkind this story in the hope that they would remember too. That story was SASSY.
Finding deep love + navigating death Now, at 35, all the plans that 22 year old had for me have most certainly been lost. I talk + teach about the divine feminine, womb wisdom, menstrual cycles + their superpowers - because it's important + necessary. I am a plus-sized yoga teacher. I met the most incredible man + fell in deep delicious love. We committed to a life of learning, sharing, laughing and creating in union with each other. Clearly he was sent to me by the goddess for many reasons, but one of them was most definitely to help me navigate the death of both my parents, who both died within weeks of each other. I am still, a year later, no closer to understanding how to navigate a life path without parents in the world, but what I have done is share, through my love of my words, here on the blog, a story for girlkind. How I found love for my bigger body through yoga, how Endometriosis has led to an incredible adventure exploring my lady landscape and how I now encourage other women to do the same. What love can really look like. How I still cry so hard that I think my heart is going to break through my chest to escape the pain of grief.
Mary Magdalene is my homegirl I share this story with you today, because today is the feast day o’ Mary Magdalene. My lady in red, my spiritual homegirl. I am crazy about her. I write her love letters. I sing to her. I am in deep devotion to her. There is a deliciously divine story as to how she and I hooked up, one that I will share in the next book, I promise, but what’s important to this particular story, is that MM has my back, she always has, and she has yours too. Her story has been silenced, locked away and re-told by a bunch of super-fearful dudes, but despite over 2,000 years of censorship, when a woman has a story to tell, it WILL be told, that grail they've all been seeking? As women, we ALL have access to it. It's our womb, our power source. It holds the story of how we experience life as a woman, MM shared this wisdom, the wisdom of Isis, the wisdom o' ladykind, and despite being vilified throughout history, despite so many women being burned at the stake, we are all, as ladykind, being called up to stand in our SHE power, become our own guru + share our stories. When we do that, we can experience one of MM's greatest teachings: her story is my story, and my story is your story.
So, as I’m about to embark on another big life change – officially starting our life together as Viking + wife in a new home together – I share that I’m fearful, the last time I owned bricks and mortar with a dude it didn’t end too well, in fact it kinda sucked. I share that I am going to alchemize the fear into love by being present, in each moment, by not living in the past, not making up stories about the future, but immersing myself in the unknown, which is always scary until it’s not, right? I share that what has happened, through ALL of this, is that I have come into a deeply beautiful alignment with my calling. A calling that has been with me all along, since the day I first bled, since the day I was initiated by the goddess, by SHE, by Ma Kali, by Mary Magdalene, into womanhood.
I share my love of words and tell girl/lady-kind stories.
It’s what ALL priestesses, called girls, spiritual guidess-es have done before me.
My 22 year old self wouldn’t have called it that, and despite always having an unhealthy interest in all things witch-y and not entirely knowing why, she would most definitely never have admitted to talking to, or being in service to Mary, to Ma Shakti, to the Goddess, yet ssh, don’t tell her, it’s what she was doing all along. It’s all any of us ever have to do in order to find our way home. To ourselves. And also, in my case, to the arms of a hot Viking. Oh, + Grendel cat. Obv.
To celebrate Mary Magdalene's feast day, I invite you to share your love of words and tell girlkind YOUR story - give a voice to stories that have been locked away or left unspoken. Email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org, share it in a blog post and add it to the comments below or share it over at facebook where I spend far too much time than is totally necessary - because your story is OUR story. Jai Mary Magdalene!