So guess what? I wrote a bloody book. Literally + figuratively.
Thank you so much for your love, support, cheerleading - you are seriously the best SHE coven a girl could wish for! - it still needs a LOT of editing, but blow the trumpets, let off the glitter cannons + dance with me as we celebrate the shitty first draft being complete! I’m in love with it. But it’s not the book I pitched.
There was a moment, about a third of the way through writing the book, when I thought ‘shit, I’m going to have to give back my advance, this is NOT the book they asked for.’ And do you know what? I still might have to do that. I haven’t heard back from my editor yet. But at NO point did I think 'shit, I’m going to have to stop writing and actually write the book that I pitched.’ Because while writing for a publisher I totally love + admire is all my manifesting dreams come true, what came through demanding to be shared is far more important. I was being led by SHE, and when you’re SHE-led, you trust her. You trust yourself + your intuition. And you write.
So I dropped the concern of whether it was the book my publisher wanted + I drank cacao elixir, I moved my body in SHE Flow, I cried, I felt deep pain + I laughed as I let SHE move through me + I felt words that I wasn’t sure were ready to be voiced rise to the surface, because really, I didn’t have a choice. The mistake I’d made was to think that I was an author + that this was personal. What I know now is that I’m merely a messy, raw + untamed vessel through which this message needs to come through + this message of SHE power, bloody conversations + fully embodied expressions of our truth isn’t personal, it’s fucking universal. THAT was the point. So I simply showed up to the page each day + wrote what moved me.
And in case I didn’t TOTALLY get that message loud + clear, I spent Saturday hosting a cacao ceremony with 10 beauty-full women who dared to bring it ALL. I had prepared a self-love SHE Flow session to accompany a beautiful soft cacao elixir with healing heart opening qualities, I thought it would be the perfect anti-dote to the Valentine bullshit we get fed every February, but as I was making the cacao in the morning I set fire to a towel, the hibiscus flowers fell on my head when I opened the kitchen cupboard + the printer wouldn’t let me print out my notes.
As we shared a hibiscus tea-infused cacao elixir (how could I not? It hit me on the bloody head!), cut ties with what no longer served us, danced + moved our bodies, told stories + rested in the sweet smell of frankincense + rose incense I realised that I wasn’t the teacher, I wasn’t there to teach, I was there simply to show up + give women a permission slip to have an experience of themselves.
Here I am being all of me - no notes, messy, imperfect + raw - and my invitation is simply for you to be all of you.
Are you able to show up + be all of you? Can you bring it all without judgement + realise it’s not personal, it’s universal? That we’re all angry, funny, trying hard, sad, feeling inadequate, sensual, doing the best we can + a million trillion other derivations of a theme because THIS is the Lady Landscape?