Recently, my husband and I were attending our friends’ band gig at a local bar. In between sets, I hung out with the drummer and my husband. As we talked, a woman we didn’t know came up to us. I observed that she was a bit tipsy, using alcohol as her social lubricant. Her socializing included flirting with the drummer and my husband. I made the decision to simply allow her to enjoy herself, figuring it was a great opportunity for me to practice the spiritual idea of being the observer, letting go of judgment...and any jealousy.
I'd also recently read some books by Mama Gena. One of Mama Gena’s teachings is about the power and benefits of flirting for women. So, I had the opportunity to stand back to watch another woman flirt. Since I tend not to flirt with men other than my husband, I was curious. I just wanted to see if I would learn anything about myself or perhaps, more about the feminine arts first-hand.
Eventually, the woman at the bar walked away. Internally, I smiled because I realized that both the drummer and my husband had no idea that the woman was flirting with them. I asked them, and they responded with puzzled looks. I started to ponder the idea of flirting more.
I wanted another person’s opinion, so I asked my trusted gal pal, an honorary big sister who tends to be lovingly honest. I asked my gal pal about the scenario at the bar, requesting her opinion about why that woman flirted with my husband, even though our wedding rings were in clear view. She said, “It’s ‘cause that woman was an alpha female. She wanted to be the most powerful woman in the bar.”
Alpha female? Say what?
I didn’t think that we were pack animals as women. I tend to prefer to see other women as potential sisters. (Mama Gena used the term sister goddesses.) But maybe my friend was right, maybe some women are raised to view other women as competition? I also wonder if some of us gals are socialized to believe that it’s mostly male attention that makes us powerful?
I’ve never resonated much with the idea of competing with other women. I suppose it’s because I grew up playing team sports with other gals. Even the opposing team was there to push me to new heights of athleticism, at least in my own mind. Throughout my athletic career as a child and adult, I have tended to make friends with my so-called competitors. As a business owner, I enjoy creating joint ventures with other, like-minded, business sisters. It is more fun to rock the world together as kick ass ladies.
So, I don’t want to be an alpha female, unless it’s on my own terms. I decided to redefine alpha female for myself. Using the word alpha as an acronym, here is what each letter stands for, in my own mind:
A = Authentic. Be yourself. As the saying goes, everyone else is taken. There is no one else like you. So, it’s impossible for anyone to compete against you.
L = Loving. Love yourself. If you love who you are, it’s more appealing to your potential romantic partners, friends, and others you meet. You radiate that loving glow. People will be drawn to you naturally. It’s sexy. You’re flirting using your energy field, which takes less effort and equals magnetism.
P = Powerful. True power comes from within. You don’t have to take it from anyone else. Power comes from a loving place.
H = Happy. Do what makes you happy. Listen to your heart, allowing it to lead the way. Desire happiness for others too, since we’re all in this together. It’s okay to have a bad day now and then. Just dust yourself off, and keep focused on continuing along the path.
A = Alive. Be alive, awake, and aware. Don’t be on auto pilot. Mix things up in your life. Realize that if someone else has what you desire, that’s just a sign that you also can receive it. There is plenty in the universe for all. We’re all mirrors for each other. When you see another who is sexy, intelligent, talented, and passionate, she is mirroring those aspects that exist in you. You just have to come alive, loosen up, and own it too.
What is your definition of alpha female? I’d love to hear your thoughts here.