I love our li'l home. I especially love where I get to work. I've got a room o' my own. It's my temple, it's where I make out with my muse - even when she gives me a 4am booty call - it's where I heart riff, write books, read books, satsang with my writer girls, skype with my coaching clients, paint, draw, create.
It's where I'm most 'me' in the world. It's where I show up best. When no one else is around, wearing PJs, wrapped in a leopard print slanket, wearing a tiara and dancing my ass off to Vampire Weekend. 'Cept, sometimes people want to be in licking distance of me. They want me to speak. In public. In person.
This is NOT my thing. Not one li'l bit.
I'm an introverted extrovert. I LOVE 1 to 1 time, I really rather like being with a small group o' awesome people, I can deliver workshops to an assembly hall filled with teens, and I can riff with women about their stories and how the world needs to hear them, but when I'm asked to talk to my peers about business-y stuff and what I do, I freak the fuck out.
'Cept I've been asked to do that a few times this year and I've actually said yes. Don't get it twisted, my first reaction is always a big, fat,'hell to the freakin' no' but, I'm feeling into what showing up and being awesome means to me.
FYI: when I say BE awesome, I essentially mean BE YOU, and by that, I actually mean take a deep breath and just BE.
It feels kind o' strange at first, to JUST BE. It can feel a li'l bit vulnerable, you can feel a li'l exposed, but when you allow people to see past the masks we all wear on a daily process, and let them see you, in all your YOU-ness - ahhhh, that's when the good shit happens. It's when you grow, it's when you share your truth.
Last week, I went totally prepped to a meeting of my peers I'd been asked to speak at. I'd written detailed notes and was all ready to blow them away with how to tell their story and use their YOU-ness to build their brand, when I realised I was wearing a really ill fitting bra, I hadn't plucked my eyebrows or painted my nails, the beau and I had a disagreement before I arrived, I was sad about my mumma, my menstrual cycle hadn't started and totally should of, I literally felt like a butterfly poking her head out of the chrysalis too soon, I wasn't ready, I wasn't polished enough.
These people were expecting the superhero version of me and I wasn't enough.
What was a girl to do? Should I fake it? It wouldn't have been the first time. But I thought back to what my presentation was meant to be about - telling YOUR truth, sharing your true-to-you story, using YOUR voice -and I showed up. I shared my story which pretty much went like this: 'look, I'm nervy, I write better than I speak, I'm wearing an ill fitting bra, yet I rock out in my business, I make money and awesome women want to work with me.'
The response was kick-ass. Mainly, because when we're honest, it gives everyone else in the room, or reading your blog post, permission to drop their bullshit too. They asked lots o' questions, they coached me and gave me new insight because we opened up a dialogue, we riffed instead of me standing up and delivering a boring snoring presentation and they bought copies of my book - we're now on the 3rd print run, woop, woop! - and all because I dared to be me, I showed up and I was my particular flavour o' awesome.
People will always respond to your YOU-ness.
Can I get a chest bump for awesome, beautiful, messy, complicated YOU, please?