Recently I had a huge can of aggro-sauce opened in my direction. I was shocked at first, because I'd never experienced such anger and vitriol, I mean I'm used to bad vibin', I've had people not dig my work, I've had rejection letters - I've got an entire shoebox of them - I've even had people write one star reviews on amazon, not because they didn't enjoy the book, but because they have a crush on my husband, but this? Well, this felt personal. Schoolgirl error number one was that I instantly made the situ all about me. (What can I say? I'm an only child. Old habits and all that.)
I felt hurt and upset, I got red with rage, then almost tripped over myself wanting to apologise for things that were really nothing to do with me in a ridiculous attempt to make things better for that person. I met the drama, I become the drama. I was the full-on, hand-flinging to forehead drama queen. The drama queen is an old friend of mine. She's served me well, she's kept me busy, but a few years ago, I discovered she's all fur and no knickers. She has no substance. There is just no place for her when living a SHE-led life.
When life throws us a challenge - like a friend who's having a really tough time, someone lashing out at us verbally - add your life challenge here - our natural instinct is to either take full responsibility, become the drama queen or to take no responsibility at all.
Both are not cool.
Start by checking in with your truth. What, in this current life challenge, is actually yours? Take responsibility for THAT. If you've fucked up, do whatever you can to make it better, but at the same time, disentangle yourself from what's not yours. Stop taking it on, stop making other people’s drama/feelings/beliefs your own.
We are all totally accountable for our own behaviour, emotions and reactions. At first, when the aggro-sauce – the words of anger and spite – came at me, I was hurt. I wanted to lash out, shout expletives and revert back to playground tactics, but reacting and becoming the drama in an angry childish way would have sucked me right into the negg-o space being created. The outburst was not about me, it was about the person who’d opened the aggro-sauce. It was their pain, suffering and unhappiness and when I realised that, I was able to come to the situ with acceptance and compassion.
One of the four agreements in the aptly titled life-changer o’ a book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, is to know that nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do about you, life and well…everything, is a projection of their own reality, their own life experiences. We’re not $100 bills, not everyone is going to dig on us. We’re also human beings, we fuck up and we do our best. But don’t let other people’s bullshit burst your bliss bubble. Work on the basis that the opinions and actions of others are actually none of your business. You’ll save a whole lot o’ needless heartache, and you can simply concentrate on sending out love stuff, dropping delicious bliss bombs and being o' awesome service to the world.
Have you a tendency to become the drama? Do you take on shit that's not yours? I would love for you to share how that feels for you...
PS: Do you want to create a deliciously divine writing practice for book writing, journaling or blogging? For 30 days from the 1st November, ladykind are gathering to create and write together - would LOVE for you to come join us! Click here for more details...